It’s been a very long time since I’ve had a good vacation. And lately I feel like I’ve had a vacation from my old broken self. There’s a lot of reasons for that. I think first and most important was taking the time to invest in myself. At least, that’s what I’ve called therapy. Because I did it, despite the expense, I feel like I have a grip on everything now. And if it’s hard to handle, I can talk it out.
A few weeks ago I decided to try dating again. It was not so much for the purpose of filling a hole in my life or rebounding or anything like that. It was more like: I have a handle on me, I have a handle on my life, and I’m getting a little bored being solitary. I thought it might be nice to get out and meet other people. Have some conversations. Do some fun things. So I went for it. And surprisingly, it was short lived. I filtered through the usual weirdos. And I scored a date, but boy was that a hot mess – the guy was this bizarre combination of everything I really didn’t like about my last couple of boyfriends. And for the love of everything he wouldn’t stop talking. Mostly about everything he believed and how if you didn’t believe that you were wrong. That man hit all the no-nos of a first date: He thoroughly covered his ex wife, religion, and politics.
(Per the greatest cartoonist evar, The Oatmeal)
When that date was over, I went home and fired up Ye Olde Dating App, and sent a message to this guy – he had a picture of a rusted out car in Bodie. I thought the car was neat, and saw familiar things in his other pictures. I kind of figured we weren’t quite a match based on what he wrote, but he was interesting. My brain said: why the hell not and I fired off a message. He replied. And then we went on a date. And then a few other dates/events. Then, at his suggestion, a Memorial day weekend road trip.
The road trip was the vacation for me. We had no real plan – just go and then sort out what we wanted to do as we went. We were relaxed – I jokingly call him my human prozac because he has that effect on me. He makes me live in the moment, which as any of you who actually read this and who know me are well aware that’s quite a step from my control freak nature.
So we hiked. We ate crab cakes. We did a tour of my old digs in Oakland. Went to see my cousin. I played my oboe for his parents. We drove, we chatted, we stopped when we needed to. I’ve not been on a trip like that on a long time. There was no agenda, just mutual agreement. My vacations the last few years were not so much that, and towards the latter end of my previous relationship they were full of land mines and fights. This was different.
I’m not really sure where I’m going with this post. I guess I’m trying to say that things are good, and I’m having a really nice life right now. I’ll make no prognostications about this nice man that I’ve met, nor plan beyond the next road trip with him right now. I just know that I’m ok, and this is ok, and while it may be soon it doesn’t feel soon, and I’m good with it.
So, to tie this up: that slavedriver of a man made me climb the majority of Mount Tamalpais two days in a row. The first day was all fog and when we got to the top I didn’t even realize we were there. The second day I thought he was just torturing me, and I’ll admit I did a bit of whining at the beginning. But we climbed forever, and then we hit the overlook and this is what I saw:
I still told him he was a slavedriver, but I was happy he made me do it. That’s the SF bay in the top left. Pow.